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THE
7 BENEFITS OF ATTACHMENT PARENTING
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This is a Dr Sears article reprinted by Eva Lillian
Maternity & Nursing Boutique, the best place on the
web to find breastfeeding clothes, nursing clothes,
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1. Mutual Giving. The
more you give to your baby the more baby gives back to
you. There are small quiet moments of pure joy when
your baby smiles at you or gazes seriously into your
eyes. There is wonder in discovering the world anew
through the eyes of a child seeing it for the first
time. There is peace in knowing that all it takes is
your presence, your arms to soothe and calm your
baby's fears. Consider how you and baby benefit from
being connected: |
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Enjoy one another.
One of the goals we want to shoot for is to enjoy
our parenting. Mutual giving is where baby enjoyment
begins.
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Biochemical boost.
Remember, baby is not just a passive player in your
parenting game. Your infant will take an active part
in shaping your attitudes, helping you make wise
decisions and helping you become an astute baby
reader. For example, when you breastfeed you hold
and caress your baby, you give your baby nourishment
and comfort. Your baby, in turn, "gives" good things
back to you. Your baby's sucking, together with
caressing your baby, releases the hormone prolactin,
which further enhances your mothering behavior.
(Skin-to-skin contact is great for this effect,
though it can be attained even with a nursing bra or
nursing top that allows easy access to the breast.) The
hormones associated with breastfeeding help mothers
to feel calm and loving. And parents find that all
their giving to their baby matures them and helps
them place the different parts of their lives in
better perspective.
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Peaceful parenting.
Here's another beautiful example of mutual giving
. When you breastfeed your
baby to sleep – a style we call "nursing down"
– you give your baby your
milk, which contains a recently discovered sleep-
inducing substance. Meanwhile, as you suckle your
baby, you produce more prolactin, which has a
tranquilizing affect in you. It's as if the mommy
puts the baby to sleep and the baby puts the mommy
to sleep – a beautiful example of how each member of
a biological pair helps the other by following a
natural recipe in a way that was designed to work.
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2. Mutual shaping. Along
with the benefit of mutual giving, we find that
attachment parenting also leads to a mutual shaping of
behavior and personality. After becoming parents, you
will never be the same – and you want the change to be
for the better. Your baby can do something to you – or
better, for you. An example of mutual shaping is well
illustrated by how you and your baby learn to talk to
each other. A baby's early communication is a language
of needs. Crying and smiling are the earliest tools
used by your baby to communicate and reinforce your
responses to his needs. As you learn and respond to
your baby's language, you may feel you are regressing
to the level of your baby. You will act, talk, and
even think at your baby's level. As you are mastering
your baby's language, your baby learns to speak the
language of the family. The baby then learns to act,
talk, and think at the parents' level. All develop
communication skills that none had before. Mutual
giving and mutual shaping is what makes attachment
parenting so special. |
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3. Mutual sensitivity.
Attachment mothers speak of a flow of feelings between
themselves and their babies. |
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Martha notes:
In the middle of a particularly busy day I
discovered that my kitchen was overrun with ants.
This was the last straw and I lost it, verbally
and emotionally. But as I continued to rant and
rave, I became aware of what was going on between
Stephen (then twenty-two months) and me. He
watched me, sensing my needs. He looked into my
eyes, embraced my knees, not in a frightened way,
but as though to say, "It's OK, I love you, I
would help you if I could." As Stephen got hold of
me, I got hold of myself – a mother calmed by her
baby's touch. |
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4. AP promotes independence.
Attachment and independence can be illustrated by what
we call the deep groove theory
. Think of your infant's
mind as a record into which life's experiences and
relationships cut deep grooves. Suppose the strength
of parent-infant attachment is represented by the
depth of the grooves in the baby's mental record.
Between twelve and eighteen months, a baby can recall
a mental image of the most familiar caregivers. We
call this person permanence
. This image helps to
provide a secure base so the infant can begin to move
more easily from the familiar to the unfamiliar. The
mental presence of the mother allows the infant to, in
effect, take mother with her as she moves further away
from the mother to explore and learn about her
environment. The most securely attached infants, the
ones with the deepest grooves, show less anxiety when
moving away from their mothers to explore toys.
Periodically, these babies mentally and physically
check in with mother for reassurance and a familiar
"it's okay" to explore. The mother seems to add energy
to the infant's explorations, since the infant does
not need to waste energy worry whether she is there.
When going from oneness to
separateness (a process called "individuation")
, the securely attached
toddler establishes a balance between his desire to
explore and encounter new situations and his continued
need for the safety and contentment provided by
mother. During an unfamiliar play situation, the
mother gives a sort of "go ahead" message, providing
the toddler with confidence to explore and handle the
strange situation. The next time the toddler
encounters a similar situation, he has confidence to
handle it by himself without enlisting his mother. The
consistent emotional availability of the mother
provides trust, culminating in the child's developing
a very important quality of independence: the capacity
to be alone.
A toddler with shallower
attachment grooves lacks confidence that his
attachment figures will be accessible to him when he
needs them. He may adopt a clinging strategy to ensure
that they will be available. Because he is always
preoccupied with it or else spends tremendous energy
"managing" without it. This preoccupation hinders
individuation, exploration, and possibly learning. In
essence, the attachment-parented baby learns to trust
and develop a sense of self. These qualities foster
appropriate independence. Studies have shown that
infants who develop a secure attachment to their
mothers are better able to tolerate separation from
them when they are older. As one sensitive mother of a
well-attached child said proudly, "He's not spoiled;
he's perfectly fresh!"
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5. Attachment parenting
improves baby's behavior. Attached babies cry
less. They are less colicky, fussy, whiny, and clingy.
A very simple observation lies at the root of this
observation: A baby who feels right acts right
(operates from a sense of well-being). An in-arms baby
whose cues are read and responded to feels connected,
valued. Because of this inner feeling of rightness,
the baby has less need to fuss.
"If attached babies cry less,
what do they do with their free time?"
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Read the rest of this
article on the Dr Sears site:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp |
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This Dr Sears article Reprinted from
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp on February 4, 2004 |
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