One of the
most powerful tools that parents
have for raising their children
is the natural emotional bond
that exists between them and
their child. Children who feel
close to their parents will have
a strong desire to obey them. No
child with this type of
connection to his parents will
want to risk hurting that
connection by disobeying them.
When such a relationship exists,
the mere look of dissatisfaction
on the face of a parent will
usually be enough to curb
inappropriate behavior.
This bond
is so strong and so potent that
it lasts even through
adolescence when most of the
disciplinary tools at our
disposal are ineffective. Often,
it is the only tool we have in
guiding our teenage children.
Parents who do not have such a
connection with their children
have lost a vital resource
necessary for successful
parenting.
In
addition, this bond is essential
for the child's emotional
stability. A recent psychology
experiment studied people in
their forties, whose parent were
emotionally distant from them.
These people were often
depressed and lacked a sense of
emotional well being. They had
more difficulty in adjusting to
the work environment and new
social situations.
How do you
develop this type of loving bond
with your child? It begins in
your child's infancy and is
built by giving your child the
love and affection that he
needs.
Many
well-meaning mothers are
completely unaware that their
own children are suffering from
the lack of physical touch.
There are many reasons for this.
Most people associate deprived
children as those who are
neglected, abused, or
chronically ill.
However,
the truth is that many of our
children who come from good
homes are not getting the
physical warmth and love that
they need. In our two-income
society, unaffectionate
caretakers, who provide for the
child's physical needs with as
little warmth and contact as
possible, often raise children.
Also, many of us did not receive
enough physical love and warmth
as children.
As a
result, it is not natural to us
to cuddle, coo, kiss, and love
our children affectionately. In
addition, some children
naturally need more physical
warmth. These touch-deprived
children fill our schools. They
are the ones who often look sad
and depressed, suffering from
not getting their physical needs
for contact.
The United
States is one of the richest
countries in the history of the
world. Yet, our children in
general are touch starved. We
are busy with our lives and our
careers. We often raise our
children in broken homes. We as
parents are suffering under the
burden of so much physical and
emotional stress, that we are
often just glad to make it
through the day without hitting
or screaming at our children.
Who has time to give them
affection? Yet, this is what our
children crave most from us. We
fill our houses with toys and
things for our children, but it
is us that they really need.
There is
much talk about the generation
gap. We all know that
adolescents naturally rebel.
Sometimes we look at our little
children and wonder what is
going to be in ten years when
this cute little four-year-old
turns fourteen. Will he be one
of the children who abuses
drugs? Is he going to steal? Is
he going to do worse? What is
going to be?
You need to
take the time now, and give your
child the physical warmth and
love that your child needs. If
you build strong bonds of love
with your child now, while he is
still young, then all these
problems that you read about,
will be just that; things that
you read about. You will not
experience these problems in
your own home, because you have
developed a strong relationship
with your child.